The Pilgrimage to Tradition
The holidays are here and with that comes the legacy of ritual. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately in terms of what Covid has changed and the way we are in gathering spaces. Growing up, we rarely celebrated the holiday dinner at home, even though my mom was the Queen of cookery between households. The traditional holiday dinner in my family was spent at my Uncle Eddie and Aunt Elgene’s house in the country. With eight of their children along with 12 grandchildren, they didn’t need much to get the party started. By the time our family of four showed up, there was a kitchen counter, a large table, and three additional tables full of food and desserts ready to be gobbled up.
“Eat at a restaurant instead of making everything from scratch. I always thought I’d prefer to make it myself but it ends up becoming a big ball of stress for me!”
“We put up our tree the second weekend in November.”
The creep into the eve consisted of dancing cousins, horses indoors, and George Jones on the turntable. My brother and I remember our dad carrying us out of the backseat of Buick and to our beds if we didn’t win the insistent begging to stay the night.
“I open my doors to anyone I know (and some I don’t) who has no other place to go.”
“We burn a yule log on the solstice, we said goodbye to xmas.”
As I got older with divorced parents, the holidays just became an obligation I was most apathetic about. I had rather been invited to a friend’s family home instead. Whilst in college, I opted to not come home to my my parents with new partners and then I got married. The tradition to visit one, two, three, and a fourth home for the holidays became a treacherous, but bittersweet ritual. His family, like the Walton’s, were easy to get along with and there was never a lack of good eats. I sometimes miss that former life where the table would seat 15-20 people and the din would be loud and full of life.
“Go on vacation for Thanksgiving with my spouse and forgo the family drama.”
So, now we come to today. Mom is East, Dad is South, and Brother is West. My partner’s mom is in Canada, the rest of my family overseas as well. Doesn’t make for the warm gathering of holiday cheer does it? Now that I own my home, I finally get to have a say in annual customs! I thought I’d share for all you who grew up in traditions you may not have liked very much or that weren’t very efficient.
THE TREEDITIONAL DECORATIONS
My brother was allergic to pine growing up so we never could have a real tree. Every year we plan a family trip to a tree farm and spend the day picking and cutting our own while exploring a cute town. Consider the day you want to put up the tree or do decorations, but do it as a family and take an opportunity to get some memorable photos.
THANKSGIVING SUPPER
Make whatever you want. Who says you always have to make a turkey and a ham? I prefer a good steak or italian. I also prefer not to cook on Thanksgiving. Eating out has been pleasurable and so much less mess to clean up!
THE OPEN HOUSE
I love a holiday open house. People come and they go and they bring dishes and so forth. It’s less formal and more fun!
SWITCH HOUSES
Every year, draw for who gets to do the holiday meal and yes, you might have to fight with mom on this one.
Photo Source: Momfluential
SHARING GRATITUDE
Have everyone write down what they are thankful for and put them in a jar. When everyone is indulging in coffee and desert, pass the jar around and read off what you pull.
FLICKS
Every Christmas we watch Elf with cookies and cocoa and popcorn. It’s the best. Watching a holiday movie is more fun with a crowd.
GAMES
My family used to play Bourré after the holiday meal and I cherish those memories of watching them play. Games are a great way to have fun and engage everyone before they fall into the food coma.
HOLIDAY BRUNCH
I love the idea of brunch on Christmas rather than Christmas dinner when everyone is exhausted.
THE FAMILY THAT GIVES TOGETHER
A really great way to honor the holidays is to get a group of family and friends together and give back. Choose a non-profit you can volunteer at or host your own food drive.
BANNING AT THE TABLE
If there is a family member who is the constant friction in your holiday plans, cut them out. Seems harsh, but once they start to notice they aren’t invited to the table, then a real conversation begins. It’s too stressful having someone always being judgy and argumentative for the holidays. Those times are for calm and peace.
ADULT HOUR
Implement a cocktail/mocktail hour before dinner with nice music and company. Send the kids outside or somewhere else in the house and take an hour to ease your way to the holiday meal. As soon as we walk into the door, my mom wants to feed us. I always feel rushed, so in my house, we chill for a little bit while things are cooking and people are arriving.
HELP
Every holiday traditional meal should end with help to break down. Nothing is worse than having loads of dishes and clean up to do after spending hours in the kitchen. This is a good way to teach the kids some empathy!
SLEEP OVERS
I love this tradition of sleeping over the eve of or on the holidays. It’s cozy and fun and a great way for everyone to bond.
TRAVEL
I love traveling on the holidays! It has been my favorite tradition to implement. Book a trip solo or have a beach or mountain stay with the fam.
WISHLISTS
You could all sit and do your holiday wish lists together over hot chocolate and treats.
SANTA LETTERS
I love doing a custom Santa letter that gets “sent” by Santa himself.
Whatever you decide to do for the holidays, make it as stress free as possible. Traditions don’t have to be exhausting or complicated. They don’t have to be conventional or boring either. Have fun with it and enjoy all that holidays are supposed to be—joyous, festive, and cozy.